I'm From Driftwood |
ImFromDriftwood.com: True stories by LGBTQ people from all over. We envision a world where every lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer person feels understood and accepted, and every straight and cisgender person is an ally. I’m From Driftwood aims to help LGBTQ people learn more about their community, straight people learn more about their neighbors and everyone learn more about themselves through the power of storytelling and story sharing.
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NotesSandy Davis, “I’m From Oswego, NY”
An older lesbian remembers LGBT life in the 1970s.
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Anastasia Polda, “I’m From Sedro-Woolley, WA”
Remembering the joy of Obama’s victory mixed with the disappointment of Prop 8’s passing.
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Robin Goldman, “I’m From Berkeley, CA”
Before Robin’s double mastectomy she throws a ‘Bye Bye Boobie’ party with friends, and it proves to be fantastic and healing.
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NotesRobin Goldman, “I’m From Berkeley, CA”
Robin survived cancer, had a double mastectomy, faced being single - and finds acceptance.
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I'm From Lincoln, NE
by Amanda Bergeron-Bauer
When I told my partner Crystal that I wanted to have a baby, she had a lot of concerns. I did too, but for me, the reasons to have a baby finally outweighed the reasons not to. One of her worries was that our child would be treated differently because we’re lesbians. That worried me too, but kids get teased for a lot of things and I do believe that whatever teasing comes our son’s way, we’ll be able to help him through it. We both worried that we would be treated differently as a family.
We’re now three years into our parenting adventure and for the most part, we don’t even think about how we’re different from other families. We don’t often think about how we’re like other families either. All families are different and being in the middle of raising a child, we just don’t take in the big picture similarities and differences very often.
Last summer our day care family (pre-toddler, toddler and preschool rooms) met at a sprayground park near the center on a Friday afternoon. Crystal and I spent a couple of hours taking turns chasing our son around the park and talking to other parents. We cooled off in the shade, snacking on string cheese and juice with his friends. We took a short walk on the nearby bike trail with another family. We watched as the kids ran through the cold water, screaming on a hot day. One of his classmates was absolutely transformed by the water from a quiet, shy child to a bouncy, bubbly kid. It was an idyllic afternoon and I hope it happens again this summer.
At some point in the middle of all the chaos I stopped for a moment and thought, “we’re the only two mom family here, but right now that just doesn’t matter.” Every family was enjoying the sun, water and spending time with friends. For those two hours it didn’t matter which family had two moms, an adopted child or divorced parents. It was a moment of clarity for me that even though our family is different, there are so many other ways that we’re a family just like any other.
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I'm From Dallas, TX
by Rebecca Allen
I was raised Southern Baptist, like so many other Southerners. One thing was made very clear in my religious education: homosexuality was a one-way ticket to Hell. So you can imagine the horror I felt when I realized in 3rd grade that I liked my best girl friend the way the other girls liked boys. I stuffed it down, and as I grew into middle/high school I became very promiscuous – with guys. I did everything I could to prove to myself it wasn’t true, and I prayed every night for hours for God to take it from me, because I was so scared I would go to Hell, but I couldn’t seem to shake the feelings I was having about other girls.
Then I met Brianna at the age of 16, and the first time I kissed her the whole world shattered. I could no longer deny what I knew about myself…I was a lesbian. Brianna and I were together for about a year before our parents caught on. That was an unfortunate incident in itself. Bri’s mother came home early from work and found us sleeping in her bed together. On top of the covers. Naked. Needless to say there was a lot of screaming, and she called my parents to tell them what happened. So I didn’t really have to “come out” for myself. I was threatened with a “Pray the Gay Away” camp, so I threw myself back into the hetero scene, marrying my best guy friend at the age of 21. He knew I was gay, but we really cared about each other, so we thought we could make it work. You can guess how that ended, but I did get two beautiful children out of the deal. By the time we got divorced, he had turned into a raging alcoholic and I had fallen in love with his best friend’s wife (a love that was returned, for a while), so it was just a big mess. That fell apart (how could it not?) and I moved states to return to my hometown.
Obviously, I had to come out again to my folks as an independent adult, and found that it really wasn’t any easier. They have struggled with it because of their religious beliefs, but I truly think they have made some major headway in accepting who I am and seeing it’s so not a choice. At least we’re moving in the right direction, and I am so very thankful for that.
After a few failed attempts at relationships, I met my partner, online of all places. I could not find a more devoted, sweet-souled person. We have been together ever since, raising the kids as our own, and I am finally in a place where I can be honest with myself and others around me about who I am. Now I’m working on my degree and my writing career, as well as being an LGBT activist. My life is so full and so wonderful…I would not change a thing.
You can be gay AND happy. AND successful. AND fulfilled. For everyone out there still struggling, hang in there, baby. We’re all behind you.
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Gina Bonica, “I’m From Levittown, NY
From telling her family she’s engaged, to caring for a friend dying from breast cancer, Gina explains how being a lesbian affects every aspect of her life.
In partnership with the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life of the LGBT Community, IFD shared stories of LGBT cancer survivors and friends. The LGBT community is affected disproportionately by lung cancer, prostate cancer, and cervical cancer. By sharing these stories, we hope to raise awareness of cancer in the LGBT community. To learn more, visit http://www.relayforlife.org/LGBT.
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Notes I'm From The Bronx, NYby Mari S.
When you’re a kid no says when I grow up I want to be a mom, especially a single lesbian mother of two. You see in my household homosexuality was not uncommon. I had 2 gay uncles, and another who was bisexual, my mother’s best friend was a MTF transsexual. It only became an issue when I tried to come out and being an only child made it a bit harder. To make a long story short and not go through the history of my adolescence and half of my adult years; to make my mother happy I ended up living a double life. Two daughters later I decided that I could no longer live this lie and although I came out to everyone else in my family I finally came out to my mother and mentally sent myself free.
I thought then that telling my mother about my sexuality would be the hardest thing I have ever done but that was not the case. Being a mother of two made dating a complete headache and emotional roller-coaster. You see with lesbians there are no grey areas when it comes to children. It’s either black or white, my kids were either a deterrent to some while for others an excuse to hold on to me. I’ve dated quite a few women over the years but the one that affected me the most because my kids became a big factor in our relationship/breakup, it would have to be with my ex-girlfriend from 2007-08. We were together for 8 months and there were little things that I noticed about her behavior towards my kids. She was very standoffish and tried to spend the least amount of time with them as possible and it bothered my kids especially my oldest who always asked why was my ex so boring and she never wants to do anything with us like this person did. When I would ask she would give excuses and say she was tired but it was all a bunch of bullsh**. In the time we were together she had never once mentioned to her family mainly her mother that she was seeing someone with kids, all she mentioned was that she was seeing someone. It made things difficult for us. That along with the fact that she listened to what everyone else had to say about her being with a woman with kids, and could not make an adult decision for herself. The last weekend we spent together I knew something wasn’t right and the day she left to go back to her perfect suburban life she tells me, “We need a break. I just really need time to find myself and what I really want.” Although broken-hearted I let her go. Months go by and my friends are like, “Mari, c’mon, you really didn’t believe she needed to find herself right?” More like she needed to find someone who didn’t have kids. Not too long after I found out she did when she showed up without my knowledge to my birthday party with a date. My friends were right and although it hurt I had moved on and was with someone that accepted the fact that I had children and things eventually fell into place for everyone.
My point is, my story is that my children are a blessing to me and I have had some great relationships and dating experiences but I have also had some bad ones. I never let a few bad apples ruin it for the whole tree. Quite honestly it is in those relationships that have made me more grateful to be a mother because I achieved something most never will. Plus the fact that my daughters rock and I would rather spend my weekend with them than on a date, because we all know that lesbian drama makes baby Jesus cry…
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I'm From Friedberg, Germany
by Karo
I have always been gay. I knew actresses were gay before I knew I was and before I even knew what gay was. So coming to terms with it was quite easy for me, especially considering I was growing up in the 90s, a time when lesbian relationships weren’t constantly featured on TV. But I do think, even without lots of LGBT storylines it was a good thing I had the opportunity to watch a lot of TV to make me become the open-minded person I am today.
Don’t get me wrong, my parents are not overly religious, racist, or sexist (how could they be–my father raised me as he would have raised a boy so I know how to change a flat tire and stuff, but when it came to same-sex relationships they were a chip off the old block.
You can probably imagine the horror I thought coming out would be when I was 17 and finally was able put a label to my sexuality. Because of that, I just didn’t come out to my parents at all. But when I was 20 I fell deeply and madly in love with a girl from London on the Internet and when I came back from visiting her for the first time, my father came to pick me up from the airport. I figured it had to be now or never, I just had to come out to him, but I was more afraid than I had ever been in my entire life, especially since my father had ranted about “those people” just a couple of weeks earlier.
While we were waiting for our train and I didn’t know what else to talk about, I got really brave and said to him: “You know, the girl I was visiting – we’re more than friends. I love her.” I was expecting silence, anger, denial, a sermon… But for the first time, my father really surprised me. I mean, I could have known that he would just tell a story instead of really conversing with me, because that’s just the person he is, but I didn’t expect the story to go like this. He said: “You know my one colleague from the fire fighters? She came to me two weeks ago complaining about the others. They were bullying her because she was gay. Since I was the only one who went to university, she thought I would be open-minded. So before I could tell her that I think it’s wrong and sinful, she was crying on my shoulder. All I could do was take her in my arms and tell her that everything is going to be alright. And at that point I understood that “those people” (he literally still said that) just want to be happy like everyone else. Who am I to take that away from someone?”
And that was it. We never talked about it again. More than a decade later I am still together with that girl from London and whenever I talk to my father he asks me: “Are you happy?” I answer yes and he says: “That’s all I ever wanted for you, my child.”
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