I'm From Driftwood

by Justin Hart

I remember this day so clearly: My oldest daughter, Isabelle, begged Trevor and I to allow her to have her friends over for dinner and sleep over to celebrate the end of her basketball season. Traditionally, we disallowed visitors from Isabelle’s conservative catholic school for fear that Isabelle and her twin brother would be “outed” and therefore teased or tormented. But if she was ready to come clean to her class mates, who were we to tell her “No”?

The team arrived to our home, sleeping bags in tow. We greeted each parent and introduced ourselves… actually introduced ourselves. We were not brothers, friends, or roommates. We were Isabelle’s Dads. Four of the seven mothers decided not to allow their children to stay in our home. The remaining teammates ran through the house and eventually gathered in the kitchen awaiting the arrival of the evasive pizza delivery man. I have never been so proud of what happened next.

“Isabelle, are both of those guys your dads?” One little girl started in…I rushed from the next room toward the kitchen to diffuse the situation, but Trevor stopped me. He urged me to listen closely, but allow our daughter, who we raised, who we taught, who we loved, to handle the situation in whatever way she thought best.

“That’s disgusting.” One girl commented, “That’s a sin.” said another.

Isabelle responded in a matter-of-fact tone saying, “Some boys kiss boys, and some girls kiss girls…deal with it.”

The conversation was over and no one ever mentioned it as a problem again. Today Isabelle, Garrit, Elsie and Julia are all out and proud children of two gay dads.

-(Share your story with us!)

by Arturo Beeche

With much anticipation they went on their first date eight years ago, just as millions of couples do when they are searching for a spouse, a companion, a friend. During their date one mentioned he wanted to buy a home and marry; the other mentioned he wanted to adopt children. Both realized the long quest had finally come to an end as they faced the man whom they would marry. Arturo and Dave married two years later.

In Summer ‘06 they marched at San Francisco Gay Pride. At the festival, which always follows the parade, they visited the booth of an adoption agency, Family Builders. Arturo and Dave collected all their information and brought it home. They began gathering and sending to the agency all the documentation required of them. It seemed an endless task of paperwork and course-taking –only their drive and determination gave them the strength to continue. Arturo’s youngest brother once told him, “Wow…you have to do all that work to give a child a good home? Sad how irresponsible parents create life through a few minutes of passion and pleasure, if that, but you guys have to spend 18 months getting ready for it…unfair if you ask me!”

Their determination never wavered. By October 2007 Arturo and Dave were approved to become Fost-Adopt parents (foster a child who is open to adoption). They first found a 16 year-old gay boy, but another couple got Rudy. Then they found Zac and their hearts were lost. He had been in foster care for four years. His birth parents were out of the picture. He had two sisters, one already in a good fost-adopt home; the other, sadly, bouncing from one group home to another, and running away in between. Zac was eleven, “non-adoptable” as he called himself. He suffered from some behavioral issues that had landed him in thirteen foster homes in four years. He had attended just as many elementary schools by fifth grade. “Zac is a challenge…we fear he may be far too much for you to handle…he can break you,” his social worker told them. Yet all to no avail. Arturo and Dave had lost their heart to him.

They were concerned, very concerned about the reaction they would get from their respective families. Dave’s parents hailed from the Midwest and are deeply religious. Arturo’s parents live in Latin America and have never truly come to terms with their eldest son’s sexuality. When told about Dave’s plans, his father replied, “Son, you need to give this child a safe and loving home… and you can do that, we are so proud of you.” Arturo’s parents were lukewarm at best, yet with the passage of time they have come to love their son’s child.

Zac moved into their home in February 2008. The first six months were tough. The second half-year was even tougher. Zac could not believe that these adults were not child abusers, like most other adults he had met before. As rotten as he was, their reaction was to give him more love, with consequences, but love nonetheless. At school he began improving; at home he became a shining light.

All along, Zac was seen by a therapist twice a week – his parents had weekly meetings with their own therapist, while seeing Zac’s once a month. It has been a heavy schedule of therapy sessions for over two years. Therapy, in fact, became part of the family’s weekly routine, just as taking Zac to soccer and judo, or going to get freshly baked bread every Saturday morning. As weeks turned into months that turned into years, Zac improved enough for his parents to bring to him their wish to adopt again. That fateful talk happened on Christmas day – Zac’s reaction, “Oh yes, I want a brother…we need to spice up this house and get more younger people in it!” This comment was followed by one of the most amazing statements Zac’s ever made, “and besides, guys…we need to save another kid, just like you saved me…so let’s do it!”

Paperwork, once again, began in earnest.

In the meantime a boy from Cochran, Georgia, made the news. He asked his school for permission to bring his boyfriend to Prom. After some dithering, the principal relented. The teenager gave an interview to a local news outlet; his parents punished him by throwing Derrick out of the family home. Dave saw the news report and showed it to Arturo, who could not resist and found Derrick on facebook. Within days Arturo and Derrick were talking on the phone. Arturo and Dave offered their complete support, both emotional and financial. The weeks leading up to Prom were tough, no doubt. Yet, as was the case with Zac, Arturo and Dave became “parents” to Derrick. For Prom Arturo flew to Georgia and drove Derrick and his boyfriend to Prom. The bond that was built between the adult and the teenager became stronger as weeks turned into months.

When Summer arrived Derrick, with his boyfriend in tow, flew to San Francisco, California, where Arturo and Dave offered him a safe and loving home, and his own bedroom to boot. Since his arrival Derrick has been bonding not only with his gay “soul parents,” but also with his spitfire of a kid brother Zac. It has not been a bed of roses by any means. Their story has not reached a “happily-ever-after” end yet. However, they are all working toward a goal that provides this expanding family with a safe space where all needs are tended to, while comfort in each other’s company settles in.

In the meantime, Arturo and Dave continue submitting paperwork to find Zac and Derrick a younger brother. Zac, when asked about the family’s recent addition, said “I now have an older brother…he is best…likes video games and I pay attention to what he tells me to do…he is a role model to me…but I also want a younger brother, closer to my age because Derrick is off to college in a few months and I must become a role model like him.”

Life continues for this foursome. It comes one day at a time. But what unites them is a sense of family; a deep-rooted conviction that the adults are doing the right thing for the kids whose birth parents tried their best, although it was not good enough. Dave and Arturo do not see their actions as anything other than what adults ought to do for children. They realize that families come in all shapes…although Zac still wonders why he came out as white as Daddio, and not as tanned as Dad! Kids…

-(Share your story with us!)

by Amanda Bergeron-Bauer

by Mari S.

When you’re a kid no says when I grow up I want to be a mom, especially a single lesbian mother of two. You see in my household homosexuality was not uncommon. I had 2 gay uncles, and another who was bisexual, my mother’s best friend was a MTF transsexual. It only became an issue when I tried to come out and being an only child made it a bit harder. To make a long story short and not go through the history of my adolescence and half of my adult years; to make my mother happy I ended up living a double life. Two daughters later I decided that I could no longer live this lie and although I came out to everyone else in my family I finally came out to my mother and mentally sent myself free.

I thought then that telling my mother about my sexuality would be the hardest thing I have ever done but that was not the case. Being a mother of two made dating a complete headache and emotional roller-coaster. You see with lesbians there are no grey areas when it comes to children. It’s either black or white, my kids were either a deterrent to some while for others an excuse to hold on to me. I’ve dated quite a few women over the years but the one that affected me the most because my kids became a big factor in our relationship/breakup, it would have to be with my ex-girlfriend from 2007-08. We were together for 8 months and there were little things that I noticed about her behavior towards my kids. She was very standoffish and tried to spend the least amount of time with them as possible and it bothered my kids especially my oldest who always asked why was my ex so boring and she never wants to do anything with us like this person did. When I would ask she would give excuses and say she was tired but it was all a bunch of bullsh**. In the time we were together she had never once mentioned to her family mainly her mother that she was seeing someone with kids, all she mentioned was that she was seeing someone. It made things difficult for us. That along with the fact that she listened to what everyone else had to say about her being with a woman with kids, and could not make an adult decision for herself. The last weekend we spent together I knew something wasn’t right and the day she left to go back to her perfect suburban life she tells me, “We need a break. I just really need time to find myself and what I really want.” Although broken-hearted I let her go. Months go by and my friends are like, “Mari, c’mon, you really didn’t believe she needed to find herself right?” More like she needed to find someone who didn’t have kids. Not too long after I found out she did when she showed up without my knowledge to my birthday party with a date. My friends were right and although it hurt I had moved on and was with someone that accepted the fact that I had children and things eventually fell into place for everyone.

My point is, my story is that my children are a blessing to me and I have had some great relationships and dating experiences but I have also had some bad ones. I never let a few bad apples ruin it for the whole tree. Quite honestly it is in those relationships that have made me more grateful to be a mother because I achieved something most never will. Plus the fact that my daughters rock and I would rather spend my weekend with them than on a date, because we all know that lesbian drama makes baby Jesus cry…

-(Share your story with us!)

It has been 13 days since one of my moms died. She had become sick very quickly, and then the call came; the call I wish had never come- she had died. When I was three my mom fell madly in love with Linny (my other mother). They loved each other like I have never seen love before – for 20 years they loved each other. Linny helped raise me. She read Are You There God it’s Me Margaret? to me, she kissed boo-boos and told me she loved me every night. She was my mom too. Everyday after school Linny would help me with my homework and quiz me for upcoming tests. We were inseparable, best friends, mother and child. 

I am writing this because at Linny’s funeral there was no mention of my life with her. It was an intentional disregard for the beautiful life the three of us had. Linny would have wanted the world to know that she loved not only another woman to her fullest capacity, but that she had a daughter. She was a lover of nature, animals and peace. She nursed injured birds back to health and rescued abused dogs from animal shelters. What was said about Linny at her funeral was not about my mom. The story told at Linny’s funeral was a story of a woman I did not know. There was actual mention of Linny’s “husband,” with whom she’d divorced more than two decades ago! It was a façade her family spoke of out of fear of letting who Linny really was to come alive.

You see, while Linny was sick I was not allowed to visit her in the treatment facility. But that didn’t’ stop me from sneaking in to see her. When she turned to look at me she said, “It’s Maygen- my daughter.” I’ll never forget those words, that smile, and that last kiss I gave her. Read more.