I'm From Driftwood
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I'm From West Palm Beach, FL by Matthew Ortiz
I attended the local arts middle-high school in West Palm (its abbreviated name to the locals), and it was cool to be gay! Well, maybe “cool” isn’t the best word, but being gay and expressing it didn’t cause wake. By fifteen, unable to drive (legally), I had asked my father to drive me to the local LGBT community center so I could attend their teen support group; however, I was incognito and going only to support my “friend” who thought that he might have feelings for guys, not girls. By the third week of chauffeuring me, my father asked, “Are you coming here for you, son?” And with a quick chirp of affirmation, he said that it’s okay. He was proud of me, and loved me still. He even offered to continue driving me there, but I said, “nah,” because nobody there tickled my fancy, which was the only reason why any of us were attending. We didn’t want support. We wanted action! The action that, for artists, is life’s greatest inspiration: love.
And so, like most artists and non-artists for that matter who were seeking love, I moved to New York City! Adult playground for gays, straights, blacks, whites, freaks, bores, you name it. Truly the center of the world. And it was here in at the center of it all where I discovered that I am an obsessive loon! I moved to NY to find love because it’s all around. You just reach out and… touch. It’s everywhere, and I fall in love everyday. A simple glance on the train, trying to extend a drunken one-night stand, a month-long stint too shortly lived, and I end up the psycho who’s calling and texting relentlessly! At least that’s what I’m told.
Friends say, “Cool down. Play the game.” But what is this game and where is the rule book? Or a referee at least. And just because I don’t want to play, I’m the “psycho”? Gays aren’t stereotypically athletic, so why such a shock that I’m not interested in playing? Or is it a board game, like Mystery Date? I think I could play that game.
But despite thinking that going against the rules, hell, not even playing, and instead expressing interest, either temperate or ecstatic, is a good thing, the better thing… alas, it’s not. The gays just don’t seem to appreciate honesty, tepid or fiery. Tables turned, I like to think that I would. Handsome, funny, witty, good kisser (among other things) and honest. Who wouldn’t like me and my courage! But to no avail, I either fall for those who can’t handle it, or I fall for an Aussie or a Frenchy who’s, of course, on holiday. “Bon voyage, mon amour,” as a solitary tear rolls down my cheek, the handkerchief in my extended hand flailing in the wind. Lucky for the foreigners the long-distance charges to my cell phone hamper my “psycho” faculty.
The woe that is me has learned that, from wherever you’ve come, Driftwood, West Palm, or Mars, if you’re gay, or straight, there’s a game to be played, and if you plan on scoring, you better master those rules, as ridiculous as they may be. But game or no game, a main rule on which we can all agree: Don’t exude desperation.
Lace up, boys!
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Asexual Dating Site - AceBook I noticed some people said something about wanting an asexual dating site, which I remembered, it’s for some reason not that well known yet. So this is for everyone who didn’t realize this already existed! Go crazy! :)
(via asexualityexists)
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Will McGinn, “I’m From Staten Island, NY”
Will’s best friend and mom know before he does if a guy he’s dating is good for him or not.
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I'm From Houston, TX by Rebecca
Looking back, I remember not always feeling “normal.” In elementary school I wasn’t very pretty, and I had a few good friends, which I still have today. As soon as I was in fifth grade, I was a lot more sociable and comfortable with my looks. But that’s not why I’m writing this. See when I was in fifth grade I felt different. Not as in my religion, my looks, or my friends. But my attractions to girls.
I didn’t know what lesbian, or bisexual at the time was, but I was still young and growing. In fifth grade I had my first kiss. It was special and different; it was my first kiss with a girl. Yes a girl. It felt right to me. As I went through middle school I ignored a lot of my feelings. Because by this time I was told that being gay or bisexual was a sin and not excepted in society. I was pretty much being brainwashed, but I didn’t believe what anyone with hate said. I knew I was made just the way I am for a reason, and that I’m perfect being who I am. That was all 5 years ago. Here I am a sophomore in high school. Freshman year I came out saying I didn’t find women more attractive than men, and that at that current time I did have a girlfriend. A lot of people found out and thought I was “gross” and that I was going to try and “touch them.” I was hated on a lot, but I never let it get to me because I was perfectly fine with myself around school and public. Just last week I went to the beach in Galveston, Texas, with my girlfriend. We held hands and kissed in public, and I felt comfortable doing so. We got uneasy stares from people who weren’t comfortable being around a lesbian couple, but a lot of people smiled and enjoyed seeing two people love each other even though they’re the same gender.
I may face many obstacles in the future with my sexuality and my choice of living, but I sure am proud of myself for who I am, and how far I got myself in this world.
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I'm From Houston, TX by Francis Scott
I grew up in a very strict, religious and physically abusive home environment where mistakes were severely punished and there was no room for self expression. Most of my life up until my teen years I lived in fear and in instability. I learned quickly that being invisible and trying to be as perfect as possible was my only way to survive in my home life and I carried that to the world in my adult life. I never had the chance to develop my own personality, my own personal style or even just simple personal boundaries growing up, so when I finally moved out of my parents house at the age of 20, and started college, I had no idea how to navigate in the real world.
I guess I’d been programed to just fit in and try not to be seen. I was scared of drawing attention to myself or making too many waves. I always based my decisions on how others would react to me or based on what others wanted. I always had feelings for women, but I suppressed them and told myself that couldn’t be me. That what I felt wasn’t right. I was never physically attracted to men but I started dating them because they liked me and I thought that was what I was supposed to do. They treated me well so I didn’t think what I felt mattered. At one point I was in a relationship with a guy I didn’t love and I always felt weird with him but since I’d never learned to listen to my own intuition and let that guide me, I stayed. My only saving grace was school. When I studied and learned I felt in control and I felt more in charge of my future. I excelled in that arena. One day, I found out I was pregnant by this guy with whom I was in a relationship.
I didn’t love him and I couldn’t fathom a future with him. That day I did a lot of soul searching and I decided I would get an abortion. We both agreed and I got one. That was the first decision I’d ever made strictly based on my needs and wants. It was the first time in my life where I’d asked myself what was right for me and focused on my feelings. Honestly I felt so good and free. I had never felt so grounded in my life. After that abortion, I started doing more soul searching and asked myself what I would do if I didnt care what anyone else thought. The first thing that popped into my head was to stop dating men. I realized that I never was atrracted to them and I’d only been dating men to please my parents. I was single for about a year and then one day I bumped into my first love, and she was a girl. I’d dated several people but I’d never felt attraction, lust and butterflies for someone before meeting her. I finally understood what all the hype was about and at that point I knew I was a lesbian.
I came out to people one at a time and I didn’t care what they thought because I was so happy. My parents and so many people I knew told me it was a phase and that it wasn’t me, because they were used to me fitting in to their definitions of who I was, but I felt so alive that there was no turning back. It was a second birth for me and since then I’ve been on a journey of self discovery and self love. I realize now that I have a right to exist and that I matter and what I feel is important. It sounds so simple, but I had never lived like that before. I never want to go back to being invisible and being afraid of who I am. My past has informed my present and will continue to inform my future. I’m out, i’m proud, I exist and I matter.
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I'm From Burtonsville, MD by Anthony Sfrisi
We met on a Monday night. The city had shut down due to the blizzard and we found ourselves at the same party. For me, this was an unexpected stop as I had been out at the bars for hours and only stopped in to say hi to a few friends. For him, this was his only destination since he followed the beach party theme and dressed accordingly. As soon as I walked in, I saw him in the middle of the room dancing like a fool in a speedo.
My friend gave me a huge hug and drunkenly whispered, “He’s bi and single. You should totally hit on him.” By now, my inhibitions were lowered and I found myself talking to him without the usual awkwardness that I had around cute boys. We hit it off instantly when we realized we had a lot of mutual interests and knew a spark was there with a kiss in the back hallway.
As we walked through the snow back to his house that night, we stopped numerous times to admire the cityscape of Pittsburgh covered in snow and kiss as the snow began to fall again. After the long trek to his house, he pulled me into his room and told me that he noticed me as soon as I walked through the door and was the type of guy that he normally goes for.
We laid in his bed the next morning for hours and talked about our lives. I opened up to him and told him things that it took me years to tell my closest friends and he told me some of his secrets. As we parted that afternoon, he kissed me goodbye and got my number. Not even ten minutes went by when my phone beeped and he texted me and told me he was sorry that we had to part so quickly and that we should get together soon.
The next few months went by in a blur with numerous ups and downs. Whenever I was with him I felt like we were only two people in the world and that nothing could tear us down. But our insecurities began to get the best of us. It finally reached its ending point when he told me that he really liked me and cared about me but he couldn’t be what he knew I wanted him to be. With that, we decided to be friends.
I guess I should have known how it would end when he told me in the beginning that he wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. But I thought that maybe I could change him and make him believe in relationships. I still think about him everyday and wondering if there will ever be a scenario that would put us in the same city, at the same time again when we’re both ready for something more. I know it sounds a little foolish but a boy can dream, can’t he?
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Troy Chatterton, “I’m From Dayton, OH”
A magical moment reignites Troy’s belief that love might still happen to him.
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“I’m From Burtonsville, MD”
Story by Anthony S.; artwork by Featured Artist Frank-Joseph Frelier
*Be on the lookout for work by an IFD featured artist every Sunday!
Recently I have been rather reflective about the past 4 years to the point where I sat in a cornfield by myself for 30 minutes this weekend while camping. One of the things that I was reflecting on was how I heard a song that made me think of someone that hasn’t been on my mind for about two years.
I have this tendency to associate people and events with certain songs and whenever that song is played, that person immediately comes to my mind. Sometimes it’s a good memory, other times it’s a bad memory and my mood immediately changes.
“Dirty Little Secret” by the All American Rejects reminds me of the boy who made me feel like I was only good enough for a hookup. I was a freshman and he was a junior. I met him in one of my first classes and he told me he was straight. Fast forward to a few months later when we went to a movie and we kissed at his house. After that, we hung out every night for 2 weeks while he spent every day with another guy. I was basically his second choice. Until recently I couldn’t hear that song without thinking how I basically disrespected myself just so I’d have a boy to like. I haven’t seen him in about a year and wonder today if he’s still pulling these tricks.
“Say It Right” by Nelly Furtado transports me back to sophomore year. I was heartbroken that the only guy I had liked had just dumped me after a date. We were close friends before that fateful St. Patrick’s Day where we shared our first kiss and night together. Every night after that, we stayed up late talking about life. But he wasn’t fully out and I was. He had just broken up with his boyfriend and now his ex-boyfriend hated me. So much drama and pain followed our brief affair where I was left drunk and heartbroken. We didn’t talk for months and had another setback when he told me that he used me to make his ex jealous. It took a few months but we’re friends now.
“7 Things” by Miley Cyrus reminds me of the one boy that made me crazy last summer. I had been on hiring committee for my on-campus job ever since I got hired. My first official semester this boy had applied and made it to the individual interview, but wasn’t hired. I had a crush on him and was excited when he friend requested me on Facebook. I told him to apply again and was thrilled when he did and got hired. I made it my goal to make him mine but he had a boyfriend at the time so I entered into the friend zone. Slowly, we got close. To which point, he held my hand once drunkenly and told me that he would make out with me if he was single. Halfway through the summer, he became single and I was shocked when he didn’t seek me out. Another boy had sabotaged me so that the boy I liked and I had a falling out. Things were rough for a while but we finally put things aside and are friends now. And in an ironic twist of fate “7 Things” boy and “Say It Right” boy started dating. Read more
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Tom Jackson, “I’m From Melbourne, Australia”
A funny story about a gay boy’s awkward date with a girl.
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