I'm From Driftwood

by Howard Nields

I guess I must first preface this tale with a revelation. I am a gay man living with HIV. I have been this way since October 23, 2007. I don’t blame anyone but myself for my “situation”. I mean let’s be realistic, it takes two to tango. I wasn’t raped or drugged or whatever. I willingly engaged in stupid, risky unprotected sex and now I must deal with the penultimate consequence. But I digress…

I was told something the other day that was rather hurtful and I suppose untrue, yet there are many times I wonder if that is so. A stranger, upon learning of my “condition” felt it his duty to tell me that I had a lot of balls to think that I should ever have sex again. That apparently I had given up my right for human affection, human contact and sexual gratification the day I failed the most important test of my life; who was I to try to have sex and infect others. Now of course the initial knee-jerk response is that this guy was obviously an ignorant, uncaring moron and that I should pay him no mind. But sadly he is not the first, and I am sure he will not be the last, to tell me such a thing.

I don’t look for pity or even empathy for who I am. Like I said, I made my bed and in it I must lay. But at a time when the country is at a crossroads in determining just how “equal” we as gay men are, can we really expect them to understand if we as a sub-culture can’t even find respect and compassion amongst ourselves? I mean it’s not like I don’t tell guys my status; I don’t try to hide it or deny it. Yet over half the time upon revealing it you get the look; the look that makes you feel like a modern-day leper. I made a mistake, albeit a rather stupid and severe mistake, but who among us havn’t? Do I suddenly become less of a person because of this? Do I no longer have the right to the same happiness as any other man?

Now I know these stories aren’t supposed to be tirades or rants or whatever about social injustice, but I think sometimes we as gay men need to just take a step back. We want to be treated as equally as our heterosexual counterparts, yet we are always quick to discriminate against other gays who are “less than ourselves”. When does it become right for the “victim” to become the “victimizer”? Never…it never does. We are all human and deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. Just try to remember that the next time you complain about how you are treated by another. Think what it would feel like if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you degrade someone just to make yourself feel safer, all because of your own fears and misunderstandings?

-(Share your story with us!)

You may remember that last year, IFD accompanied the riders and roadies of the AIDS/LifeCycle and collected some of their stories. I’m happy to say that we were asked back again this year and jumped at the opportunity. If you’re not familiar with ALC, it’s the world’s largest annual HIV/AIDS fundraiser in which riders bike from San Francisco to Los Angeles–545 miles–over the course of 6 days. We will be posting one story every day next week.

Be sure to “like” IFD on Facebook and follow us on Twitter as I’ll be uploading pics and updates along the way. Continue Reading for more info from a LifeCycle Press Release.

LOS ANGELES/SAN FRANCISCO—May 16, 2012—More than 2,200 bicyclists and 600 volunteer “roadies” will make a 545-mile journey from San Francisco to Los Angeles on June 3-9, 2012. Ranging in age from 18 to 80+, the participants of AIDS/LifeCycle hail from 44 states and 16 countries. The diverse community of participants—LGBT and straight, HIV-positive and HIV-negative—is united by a common cause: ending HIV/AIDS. Since its inception, AIDS/LifeCycle has raised more than $86 million to support the HIV/AIDS-related services of San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. This year, AIDS/LifeCycle 11 is expected to raise more than $11 million for these vital, and often life-saving, services.

AIDS/LifeCycle is a fully supported, 545-mile bike ride—not a race—that raises awareness about the continued HIV/AIDS epidemic, in addition to funding services such as HIV testing, medical care, counseling, HIV prevention services and much more.

“Although we’ve seen great strides in the fight against HIV—and recent medical advances show great promise for turning the tide—today the epidemic rages on, more than three decades after it began,” says Lorri L. Jean, CEO of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center. “There are 1.1 million Americans living with HIV, with gay and bisexual men disproportionately affected. In California alone, as many as 7,000 people become infected each year. That’s why AIDS/LifeCycle is so important; the services it supports are critical, both to serve those living with HIV and to stop the spread of this disease.”

Each AIDS/LifeCycle rider commits to raising at least $3,000, but most go beyond that commitment. Last year’s riders raised an average of more than $5,000 each.

“Thirty years after San Francisco AIDS Foundation first began offering services to our community, we remain as committed as ever to seeing an end to AIDS,” says Foundation CEO Neil Giuliano. “AIDS/LifeCycle is vital to our work, both at the foundation and at the Center, to reduce new HIV infections and ensure everyone has access to proper care. Because of the commitment, dedication, and remarkable fundraising of all the riders and roadies, our organizations are strong and reliable for the thousands of people we serve each year through our array of free programs.”

Despite the remarkable progress that has been made since the epidemic began in 1981, the HIV/AIDS epidemic is far from over. The infection rate is actually rising among gay and bisexual men —the only group for which this is the case—with communities of color especially hard hit. According to a 2010 study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in five gay and bisexual men in 21 major U.S. cities is HIV-positive.