I have known that I liked girls for sure since first grade when I had a small crush on a female classmate. I struggled with the idea of being “different” even at this young age. When I was seven, I told my mother that I had a crush on a girl, and my mom convinced me to just stay friends. Looking back on it, since I went to a conservative Catholic school, this was for the best at my young age.
As I grew older, I noticed that I noticed that I liked girls more than boys. I had crushes on boys, but I have since realized that they were probably just to have a crush to share with my best friends. I struggled emotionally and mentally with my sexuality, and I developed depression and a slight bipolar disorder. To this day, I have a feeling that these issues were caused from my suppression of my sexuality.
Then high school came along. I went to a conservative high school as well, and I knew well that if anyone did not fit the “norm” they were immediately shunned and did not exist. I struggled with my sexuality and inner turmoil until I met my first girlfriend in gym class. We were not friends right away, but we soon became best friends. We would go to each other’s houses and we would sit on our beds and just talk for hours. I knew I was in love, when we would just stop talking and stare at each other without feeling awkward. I caught myself wanting to touch her cheek or just hold her close when she was venting about something or feeling upset. Then, the day came when it all came out. We were carpooling with each other for an after school activity, when I asked her who she “liked.” Then she said she wanted to know who I liked. Then almost instantly a corny love song came on the radio that I’m pretty sure was Nickelback, and I told her to listen to the words. Instantly we both knew.
We were together until the senior year of high school, when she started to struggle with her own sexuality. After about six months of soul searching and a horrible, conniving boyfriend, she came back to me. We’ve been together ever since. My mother told me through the whole experience a wise Richard Bach phrase. “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours.”
I think that is a great phrase for any LGBTA or heterosexual person who is searching for someone. This just goes to show that we all have something in common, gay or straight. Also, be true to yourself, don’t fight your sexuality or try to push it away. Trust me, it doesn’t work. You are who you are.
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